Yeah, its been a long time :P Ive been super busy lately. If I'm not at work I'm at school. Good news though I got a A on my midterm in my abuse and neglect class. I got a B on my spanish test. Which is alot better then i thought i would do. I need to start studying my spanish a lil more but i barely have time. I guess i could do it now but i really dont feel like it. I have to get starting on my essay for my abuse class as well. Ive done all of the research, I just have to write it. The rough draft is due next week so i guess i better get it done. I'm doing my paper on Marital and Date Rape. I'd do it on something happy but we have to choose a subject that we've studied about and well... needless to say Abuse and Neglect isnt exactly a cheerful class. ITs pretty depressing actually. Besides that not too much is going on. This weekend is my friends 21st bday so were having a HUGE party ... theres gonna be like 3 bands and lots of people and lots of drinks hehee... should be a good time. WEll, i really dont have much to say... sorry to bore anyone that might actually read this. HAVE A WONDERFUL NIGHT... :)

Well, its been a pretty good weekend. Kind of boring but pretty good. Had Friday off didnt do to much thought because i had to work in the morning. Today I got to spend some time with the loves of my life. Which would be my niece, and my nephew. No matter how bad of a day im having if one of those kids smile at me my whole day is just intantly better. My neice is just growing up so fast! Its seems like just yesterday she was born, Now shes calling me Aunt Jeca... its as close as she can get to Jessica. She did call me Aunt J so its getting better :P We started doing this thing where every week we have one day where its just me and her. We just started it last week, i took her to mcdonalds and we played in the play place and then i took her to walmart and let her pick out a toy since she was such a good girl. Well, as good as a 2 year old can be. In fact she acted better then most kids i see now a days. I was surprised she actually picked this turtle thing instead of Elmo. She loves Elmo... maybe shes growing out of that stage. She just seems to grow more and more every day. My nephew on the other hand was just born september 8th. So i cant do too much with him yet, but he likes to cuddle up to my neck and sleep. Its so cute! Almost makes me want to have some kids! Repeat ALMOST! haha... these kids i can send back when they are crying. One day i want to when i find mr.right one of these days :P Well, i guess ill get going .... later... hasta luego, Bon voyage!

Sometimes the strongest people will fall to their knees. The past few months I've been watching one of my best friends, a woman that use to be so strong, fall down to her knees. It started out around the beginning of the year. She found this guy, he was soooo wonderful, he made her feel great in every way possible. That lasted for a couple months then I noticed how he would just yell at her for no reason. I've only been in school a little over a year but I've taken quite a few classes on abuse already. I told her you need to get out of this situation, he shows all the warning signs of an abuser. She left but then he "swept" her back off of her feet. He was ok for about a month, I was starting to think myself well maybe he was just going through a bad time. Even I as fooled by the asshole. Well, then she comes into work one night and tells me about how he pushed her on his bed, he had pushed her so hard that it actually left a big bruise on her chest. I was like, you seriously need to get out of this relationship. At this time she was basically living with him and she packed up and she left. I thought this was the end of it, but he sucked up to her appologised, treated her sweetly, and she fell right back into his arms. At this point, I had, had enough of him. I was like if you wanna hang out with me hes not allowed to come with, because i have a tad of anger problem myself. Well, I started working at another job, and me and her stopped talking for a little while. Well, one day I was thinking of her, and how much I missed having her around so I invited her out to lunch. Thats when i noticed some cuts on her face. Then she told me that he had gone crazy started choking her and slamming her against a wall. He even said he was going to kill her but he couldnt find the shotgun, then when the cops got there he was like nevermind I'll find the gun then im going to shoot at the police, and then your gonna have to watch me die and live with it for the rest of your life. She ended up going to the hospital because she had a concusion. I was like your done with him right? Shes like well hes going to go to counseling and everything will be fine. For awhile it has been better, but we talked this morning, and she was discussing how he had to get off of his medication that kept him calm because mental heath wanted him to get this testing done but it costs 200 dollars so he cant afford it. Anyways, she was telling me how hes slowly getting back to the way he was. She wants to leave but she doesnt know how. I know her parents would let her come back home. I think shes just scared that he'll come after her, which is usually what happens in these cases. I just feel so helpless. Like, I'm the friend that solves the problems but I dont know what to do. I'm scared that the next time shes gonna die or have a very serious injury. Shes already been in the hospital, whats next? I use to look up to her, because she never took anyones shit. Shes changed so much, shes not even the person I remember. What can you do though?

Well another fun night of college. How I wish it was almost done with. 5 more years to go thought. Well, I want to eventually get my masters in social work or counseling. Havent decided which yet, but as you can see I have plenty of time to decide. Right now I'm working on my associates in human services which you can actually be a social worker or counsler. I figure I've been through a lot so why not help out others? The best human service workers are those that have been through horrible things but made it through. How can you actually help someone if you cant relate to them? Anyways... I dont really have much to say... think im gonna find something to occupy the rest of my night with. Hasta luego

Yeah, so its been a few days since my last blog. I've been super, super busy lately. Working and going to school full time can be quite the challenge. Sometimes, I wish I had enough time to breathe. Thats how busy I feel... Ive been kinda wondering lately if there is a Mr. Right out there somewhere. Sometimes I feel like maybe I just set my standards too high. It's just that I have been through so much in my life that I feel I deserve a man thats completely wonderful, but i fear that hes light years away. I'm sure everyone feels like that sometimes. I suppose that I'm still young ... only 21 ya know. Still, I've been through a lot more then most 21 years olds have. I know that my first blog was pretty depressing and I was kinda depressed that night. I sort of go through streaks like that. Like, if I have a bad night, I tend to think of all the things in my past. I know its a really bad habbit and I shouldnt dwell on things but I tend to do it anyways. I'm the kind of person that always thinks "what would of happened if I did this or that" I'm slowly coming to the realization that, you know what, things happen for a reason, everything teaches some sort of lesson, but still I cant help but wonder why it happened. I know theres a reason, but seriously some of the things I went through no one should have to. Like the man I cared about so much and then he raped me. Why would someone you thought cared about you do something so horrible? Like I'm going to college for human services, I thought that maybe that would help me come up with an answer to that question. So far, no luck. Maybe theres not a answer. I know one thing that I did learn from my rape. Now, when guys show warning sign for being a violent or controlling man. Or if they treat me like shit, I leave them in a heartbeat. Your probably thinking why the hell would you be with someone like that anyways, but a couple years ago I thought that was all that I deserved. I know I deserve alot more now. My self esteem isnt all that high but compared to what it was.. its way better. I'm working on it day to day. Well, I suppose, I should get going to bed. Have school all day tomorrow. I will try and get on here and right again. Have a good night!

Well, if anyone is actually reading this, welcome to my first blog. Dont worry its nothing to crazy! PG material at best. I figure that I express myself better with writing, and blogging seems to be the new thing now a days. I dont even know where to begin.... So please forgive me it is my first time after all and we all know first times can sometimes not be the greatest. I could of saved time and just blogged on my myspace page, but then again I wanted something that was a little more private I guess. Ever feel like even though someone is really close to you you still dont want to indulge them in all your privates secrets? I guess thats why I started this seperate blog. I doubt people are gonna search all over the internet to see if I have a secret blog out there. Ya know? Plus sometimes I wonder who the real me is, and maybe if i get away from people that i tend to try to impress then be my true self maybe i'll learn. Maybe this blogging thing will do me some good. Confused yet? A lot has happened these past couple years and i feel like i lost myself somewhere. So, I'm on the journey to figure myself out again. Where do I even begin though? Is there really a beginning to it or have i been un real all my life. Well im going to school for human services so maybe i can sort of psycho analyze myself to see if tragic events are what cause my unhappines and "fakeness" Alot of things I never really talk about, im more of the person that has the friends that come to her when they have problems, not really the other way around. So first i think that maybe i will start a list of things that have happened in the past year and then talk about them in later blogs sorry if this gets depressing but then again i really dont think im here for your enjoyment, but more for maybe long due self healing:
1. Long batte of depression
2. Drug addictions
3. The Rape
4. The breakup with my fiance... mayb sound simple but it hurt

Ok well thats what i guess you can expect to be hearing about for a little while. Maybe someone will know where im coming from. Feel free to comment whenever.